I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
