The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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