Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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