So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
