where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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