This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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