i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
