Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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