Sorry, I don't speak sober.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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