The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
