So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
