How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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