Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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