I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize