She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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