He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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