**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
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