By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
