I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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