Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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