He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
