Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
