dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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