insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She needs sedatives and a leash
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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