Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
