How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
