haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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