my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He better not be in your backpack
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
