I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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