D3 body, D1 cock
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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