There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
NoShamevember. You game?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
