i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
