he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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