SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
