I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
