Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your penis caused this!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
