apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
