Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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