Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize