and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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