Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
