Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
