So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
