So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
