Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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