Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize