Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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