so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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