garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
