I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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