I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
