Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
