You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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