What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
