The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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