party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
