My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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