How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
