I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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