yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
