Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
