So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
