My liver just broke up with me...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
