Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
