see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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