I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
