Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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