Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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