youre lurking in front of me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
