Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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