Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
