i don't like sucking hair
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
