end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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