No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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