Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
