I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
not ubering you a puppy
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
