I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
