what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
