The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
