dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
