All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im holly from the hills drunk
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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