its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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