last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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