Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
