I just made out with a guy for $7.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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