The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
