I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
