oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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