No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
