soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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