Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I FOUND THE LEGS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
