At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
