If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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