Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
