Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
