I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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