my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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