evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
