i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize