u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
