So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
