i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
