What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
